Troubled but for what?

I seriously need to stop myself from thinking about love matters, or rather her. I think i'm getting too troubled for nothing. My brain has been thinking about too many unnecessary stuffs. What for? I merely learned that she went out with the ex-colleagues, and yes, 1 of them is the person that like her. And so? Just a meet-up anyway. I sulk and think about it also don't know for what. Yes, I'm jealous but what can I do. I need to stop being too bothered over these things. I'm not in a position to bother and I'm just a nobody.

But, no matter how I keep telling myself not to think. My brain will always think about it. Please lah, J. Suppress that emotion. You have to. You just have to. Enough said.

On a side note, Mum's not in a good mood today because of something. I hope everything will be fine. Yes, it will.

Fed up and tired..

I don't know why but maybe because I'm a little sick, I'm feeling really tired after work today. I think both physically and mentally tired. Physically because I'm partially sick and having lack of sleep. Mentally tired because I'm feeling the 'hurt' from the latest Arsenal loss and school work. Not gonna talk too much about Arsenal. Too pain to talk about it right now. Let's hope Arsenal can bounce back and play for their dignity.

So let's talk more about school work. I've been working hard and making myself complete my tasks on weekdays so I can have lesser stress and pressure to do the school work over the weekends. I don't like it when this plan is being upset. Fed up. But hey, time to grow up, J. Life is not a bed of roses. Things does not goes always according to plan. So take it on the chin and move on.

I am getting more frequent in coming to this page and pour out my feelings and thoughts. Sorry blog, before I get a girlfriend (if I ever get one), you are my outlet for my feelings. Hehe..

I'm getting tired from doing the assignments. I'm procrastinating more in this semester. J, this is a crucial semester. Don't let your head drop. Stick at it. You can only be hardworking and get yourself past the finishing line. You can do it! Come on!

I need to keep myself focused and get past these 7 or 8 months. I'm inching closer to the end of the course. Be disciplined. After this chapter, you will be going back to your favourite field, food science. The dangling carrot should be able to keep me focused and get past the finishing line. Soon. It's coming very soon. 我行的! 加油!

Right, I shall have 1 game of FM and rest earlier tonight. I need more sleep. Nite, blog.

end of assignment break!

Yay! It's the end of assignment break. So there will be no more assignments to do? Nah..fat hope! So far, I've been on track. Completed the Managing Change assignment and completed my part on International Marketing group assignment. However, I need to start on my Strategic Management group assignment soon. And I need to start on Marketing Research report as well. In the upcoming one month, it will be just assignments after assignments for me to do. Although, I have started early and completed some of the assignments, I will only heaved a sigh of relief after I submitted all my assignments and this semester draws to a close. I need to be self-disciplined while reducing the time I spend procrastinating. This will result in less self-induced stress on myself.

Come on, J.

My mind...it's running wild again. I've been thinking about her. Why, J. Why can't you just stop your mind from thinking about impossible things? Maybe taking some time away from texting her helps. After all, she won't be taking the initiative to text me right. Why should her, anyway! After all, it has been me, trying to be thick-skinned and getting close to her. Who knows she is just being nice and entertaining me. Haha! But anyway, as time goes by, I should be thinking less about her and she will fade away from my heart. Like real, J. As if you can do that! Don't fool yourself. If only you can handle matter-of-the-heart things better. You know you can't. But..but, i really should kick those wishful thinking on my part out of my heart and head. I really should.

Moving on, the change in Arsenal really made me a very proud fan of this football club. This team is still not playing it's usual style of football but that doesn't stop them from putting in a fight in the past 2 games. Wow! How long has it been since Arsenal have a team that doesn't just do the nice and beautiful stuffs but also put in a gritty performance? This current team has been trying to show that they have guts! They make up for their slightly lower quality of technique with their grit and guts. They don't give up without a fight. I love this side of Arsenal. We are not pussy ok! This team is far better than that and we are still improving. Let's keep making improvements in every game. Tomorrow's game against Blackburn is no exception. So, Come On You Gunners! Let's show what we are made of! Fans can see the team's improvements and I'm sure we will stick together and support the team like we always have been. Never have I been so patriotic about Arsenal but maybe it's because of the mini-crisis at the start of the season that brings this side of me out.

It's late again. It seems like I always blog around this time. Sometimes, blog is just a good outlet for me. I can't possibly be talking about what I post here with my parents. And I don't want to keep pestering my friends and let them feel that I'm so annoying. So here I am, blog. I will speak all these to you. You can't run away! Too bad! Boo...

assignment break!

Assignment break is supposed to be a breather since there is no school. But, due to the large number of assignments for this semester, it has not been a breather. Well, I'm not slacking much. Everyday, i'm still working hard on the assignments, but my progress is slow. This is not good. But, I will try to change. After all, it's just one month of tough work and the difficult days will be over. I am really feeling lazy for this semester. Apparently, the 1 month holiday after last semester is not benefiting me. It should be a period for me to recharge but I think I recharge too much? This ain't good. I need to put in more effort to get myself past the finishing line for this semester. I'm not thinking about getting good grades for this semester. Clearing all modules are the first thing on my mind. Once, that has become a near-certainty, then i will think about putting in more effort to score well.

I really need to work harder. The 1 month break cannot be used as an excuse whatsoever. It's all down to myself after all. This shows a lack of self-discipline on my part. Hmm, probably this period where its time to rush assignments, will be the time to gain back some bit of self-discipline. I can't afford to have little self-discipline, especially for this semester. But, I'm tired. Maybe she is right about me needing a break when the course is over. Let's not think too far. Let's get October/November out of the way first before looking too far ahead.

On a light side, I met up with her yesterday! I was really happy to be meet her again. Just like the smile on her face. We are almost sms-ing everyday. Although its just 1 or 2 messages per day, waiting for the message notification brightens up my day. However, I've ended up expecting for the message. Haiz. I might just be a normal friend to you. Why do I keep hoping and expecting too much!! Weakling...

I know messaging you frequently will not do me good. It will only makes me fall deeper. But I just feel happy to be chatting with you. 可是, 我凭什么去喜欢你...

I just love to contradict myself. Seriously.....

Really late now, good night blog!

Wednesday 7/9/11

Once again, I'm here to find an outlet to let out. I really do need to stop thinking about... Nothing good will result. So I shouldn't even be thinking about it too much. Friends. Friends. Friends. Yes, friends. Don't expect. Don't think too much.

But then again, I can't help but to think. Like today, I can smile from the bottom of my heart when i see the messages. Urm! Ridiculous leh! Not doing me any good. I REALLY need to pull myself out of this. Let's do it a step at a time. Slowly...slowly. But eventually, I must pull out. It's a must. Clinging onto something that won't have an outcome is of no use. I know it's easier to say how I want to pull myself out over here. In practice, can I do it? I guess I know the answer myself. Haha.. I should resign to my own stupidity. All these years, I have not matured. Not a single bit.

Oh well, let me really try. I will practice what I preached. Maybe I will end up taking a longer time. Maybe.... I can't. :p Cui....

不要再想了， 钧。 不可能的。。

It doesn't pays to be a nice person

I decided to blog on my way home after work. On bus, the mind was wandering. So why not allow the mind to express itself? =)

Well, I heard about a colleague contemplating to quit. She's nice and is really pleasant to work with. So to hear that she wants to quit, is quite surprising. But I heard that it was not an idea that was developed overnight. She had been toying with this thought for quite a long while. And probably something happened and it was really the last straw. But I must say that her superior in her department isn't really pleasant to work with. She can be really intimidating and too direct for some, including myself. Probably something happened between them but I didn't probe much.

What I don't understand is, how can a mild-mannered, nice person can be pushed to their limits in work? Office politics! It's really scary and disappointing. By being nice, you are trying to make it an environment for people around you. But by being nice, you are opening yourself to get hurt and get bullied. So much for being nice. Not worth...Don't be nice, let's be evil! The evil always triumph and the nice ones are the ones who look silly.

But still, the full-timers who know that the colleague wants to quit, are trying to make her change her mind. After all, who doesn't want to work with a nice person? But if quitting, can make her happier than in the current situation, why not?

Just some thoughts..

It's already 12.21am now. I promised myself to sleep early tonight. Seriously am tired from all the late nights that I'm having. Been sleeping at about 3am for the past week. Not at all good for my body and the body has been giving me hints that I need to rest more. And so after voicing out my thoughts and views, i'll get to bed and have some rest before i continue working hard tomorrow.

Actually, the assignments for this semester is still manageable. But because of my pace at doing assignments, I'm spending more time on each assignment than others. Well, when you're stupid, that's what gonna happen. =)

Enough of talks about school work. Mind's always thinking about them. Need to constantly do them. I think I don't need to fill my personal space over here with them. Anyway, this place need some revamp seriously. Well, I remember why I chose black layout as my background. Was feeling lonely and feeling down, and hence the colour, black. But the new layout will be of a more vibrant colour. The tougher times should be over when Curtin is over. Life will be more colourful, right? Yes, JJ? Let's make it true. =)

Now let's talk about something happy! Been messaging her almost everyday. Every time I replied, I always longed to hear from her. If she takes it long to reply, my mind will run wild. All the time. I'm so useless seriously!! I mean, I should take it that she is just being nice and polite to be replying the messages. Longing and thinking too much is just being wishful on my part. Period. Yes, yes! I should have this mentality. That should be the case anyway. That's right! I must be able to pull myself out and not live in my dream. I'm a nobody anyway. =) But easier said than done. If only I can control my heart so well...

Let's share my joy about THE TEAM - Arsenal Football Club. 14 long years since I started supporting this team donning the red & white. This proud club celebrates its 125th year anniversary this season. But things aren't rosy for them. Star players like Cesc (home-coming) and Nasri (to get better pay) left. Many, many others left too. The start of the season isn't kind to the team either. The team looks short of confidence with the engine (Cesc) gone and Wilshere being injured, hence unable to start. Results from 3 games is a poor 1 point, an 8-2 thrashing against old arch-rivals Man Utd and only 2 goals scored so far. This, in my opinion, was pathetic! It hurts so much to see Arsenal in this situation. Things looked so gloomy...I was one of the many who were skeptical about Senior Wenger. I started calling him senile and all..jumping into conclusion too quickly. But for the past few days, after the heavy drubbing and the transfer dateline day, things CHANGED!

FIVE players were signed! Yes, that's right. FIVE. Awesome isn't it! And they are not youngsters. They are experienced players, some of them captains of their former clubs or national sides. Let's see who are the 5 players:

Andre Santos-28 years old Brazilian left-back: Judging from Youtube videos of him, this is one frightening attacking left-back. He attacks more than he defends. Not such a good addition considering that Arsenal are weak in defence. But hey, he's a 1st choice Brazilian national team left back. His defence can't be that bad right? But still, an experienced player at left-back where Clichy has left, is only positive.

Park Chu-Young-26 years old South Korean striker: The former Monaco captain was bought for a damn cheap price of 3 million pounds! Considering he captains Monaco and South Korea, at 3 million, he's a BIG bargain. I doubt he will slot in straight into the first 11 if the team continues to play 4-2-3-1. But if Wenger changes the formation back to his preferred 4-4-2, then Park alongside RVP looks great.

Yossi Benayoun-31 years old Israeli attacking midfielder: This former Liverpool, Chelsea player joins on loan for a season. Not a big fan of him but he brings with him EPL experience. That is only good for the team, when Ryo Miyaichi and Alex Oxlaid-Chamberlain has little experience. Yossi can become a good mentor for the 2 exciting youngsters. Decent addition.

Here comes the 2 bigger buys!

Per Mertesacker-26 years old German centre-back: This guy stands at 1.98m. I think he is taller than Szczesny. Wow! We were expecting Cahill, Samba or Jagielka. But Mertesacker isn't a bad choice! He only cost 10 million pounds as compared to the 17 million tag placed on Gaz Cahill. He was Werder Bremen's captain and has won 75 caps for Germany. Just the experience and leadership qualities Gunners need. Hopefully, Djourou and Koscielny keeps improving and tries to muscle Mertesacker off the confirmed right sided centre-back position. Great buy!

Mikel Arteta-29 years old Spanish centre midfielder: I must say, personally, I was hoping Wenger goes out and pay above 20 million for other midfielders. But looking at the delight from Arseblog and Jack Wilshere on twitter and from many others, perhaps having Arteta in the squad is a great addition. He has loads of EPL games under his belt. Good creativity, good vision, score goals and take dead-balls well. Sounds good eh? But he used to be injury prone. However, I heard that he is now fully fit and I hope that remains the case and he can lead the midfield line for us. =)

So now the new look Arsenal first 11 should be:

Szczesny

Sagna-Mertesacker-Vermaelen-Andre Santos

Song-Wilshere

Walcott-Arteta-Gervinho

Van Persie

This was definitely not a team that I would have imagined before the Man Utd loss. But after acquiring all these players, this doesn't look at all a weak squad! It's a good balance of youth and experience. Looks to have leadership qualities too. If the team believes in themselves, and stays fit. I don't see why the team can't win Carling Cup, or sustain a challenge in EPL. I'm not being optimistic but I seriously feel this squad does looks good.

I'm very happy these past few days because of Arsenal and her. But things will return back to normal soon.

On a side note, which is better? I continue to type my thoughts here? Or I have a new blog and start afresh? Or I get back to the traditional way of having diary? Don't know. Shall take some time to think about it.

I really do like this space I have over here. I can go on and on and the more I share, I actually feel my heart becomes 'lighter'. Like getting some rants. Makes me feel so much better. The blog feels like a close friend. Awesome! =)

Time check: 1.06am. Been blogging for about 40 mins. It's time to sleeppp.

Bye blog. Nite. Talk to ya again. =)