Good. Bye. Grandma.

As much as I'm feeling really sad. I feel it is only right that I dedicate a post to my grandma. She had just passed away last Wednesday. A lot of events happened that day. A simple trip to the hospital just took a bad turn of event. And everything ended on the midnight of Wednesday. Recalling the events are too painful right now even though everything remains fresh in my mind.

Instead of focusing on the sad stuffs, this post shall focus on positive and happier events. Grandma took cared of me when I was still a kid while mum helped out at uncle's company. She didn't had much education as life was really difficult for her in her younger days. However, she had learned good habits and has taught all her grandchildren whom she took cared of, including myself, well. I should include my mum, auntie and uncles into the list as well. Grandma has taught her younger generations well. In fact, she had been awesome.

She had taught me manners and habits which I still practiced until now. And I will continue to do so because it has become part of me. I am always grateful for her care. I had planned to bring her out for a good meal when I'm done with my studies and begin my first job. I should have visited her more often. She had slight senile period but she had always remember me and always called out the right name. Thinking back right now, is able to make me tear. However, she has moved on to another world. I can no longer do what I planned to do. It was too late. I had missed my chance. To be frank, I really hated myself for this and is regretting it big time. She has always hold a dear place in my heart. I have always respected her. I always wanted to treat her well all the time. She will and always been my dearest grandma. But I can no longer repay and perform my duties as a grandson....

I should have learned to treasure her more when she was around. Now, it's too late. I really learned to love and show care to anyone I love and treasure all of them at the current moment. Do not ever leave it late. It will only create regrets.

3 days of wake has been over and all other required events has been conducted. Some scenes which happened will always stay in my mind. Incidents involving two relatives whom were really close to grandma really pains me but makes me proud to be a grandson of this wonderful lady. It really touched me.

When grandpa passed away, I was still too little. I was still only 3 or 4 years old. I didn't quite know what had happened. Now that I had grown up, I learned to acknowledge the event better.

Moving on is really hard. But it is a natural process. I hoped I can learned to come to terms with it. I'm sure grandma would not want us to grieve for too long either. Be strong.

Thank You. Thank You, Grandma. I will always remember you. You will stay in my heart. In loving memory.

Friday 4th November

I've no idea what name to give for this post so I guess I shall just name it as today's date. Well, I've wanted to post something for quite some time. Ever since I finished the 3 exams last week, I've been thinking of penning my feelings down. But because of the emotions involved, I refused to face it and it took me until now to be brave enough to face it. Haiz.

Now, how should I start? Let's see. I've been quite pleased to finish this semester as this only means that next semester will start soon and very soon I'll end my study journey in Curtin Singapore. A path which I do not enjoy a lot but pleased because it provides a good learning curve.

Anyways, for the past 2 weeks, it has been study week followed by 2 weeks of exams. Did I concentrate well and study hard? NO! Guilty? Yes. Did I attempt to make amends to make up for my lack of concentration? No. What's my distraction? You. Frankly. What's with me? Come on! I should do better by focusing on what's more important than let myself get distracted away. More so, over things that don't have any future. Now, I'm left to care whether I have done enough to clear one of my module. And I've got no one to blame but myself. J, what's the point? That shows you are immature and needs to be more mature.

And also, why do you think about it so much after looking at the photo. It's a photo that means nothing. Even if there are other guys in her life, so? You're just someone disposable, don't think too highly of yourself. Please learn. Be it her or any girl that will be my girlfriend or loved ones, I don't have the right to run her life. So, I should learn to not be bothered about these things so much.

But, on a side note, at least now, I do not think about her so much, which is good. Let's hope it stays this way. I really don't think anything good will happen. We will just be friends. But nevertheless, I will continue to care for you and if my disposable presence is needed, I will be more than glad.