Good. Bye. Grandma.

As much as I'm feeling really sad. I feel it is only right that I dedicate a post to my grandma. She had just passed away last Wednesday. A lot of events happened that day. A simple trip to the hospital just took a bad turn of event. And everything ended on the midnight of Wednesday. Recalling the events are too painful right now even though everything remains fresh in my mind.

Instead of focusing on the sad stuffs, this post shall focus on positive and happier events. Grandma took cared of me when I was still a kid while mum helped out at uncle's company. She didn't had much education as life was really difficult for her in her younger days. However, she had learned good habits and has taught all her grandchildren whom she took cared of, including myself, well. I should include my mum, auntie and uncles into the list as well. Grandma has taught her younger generations well. In fact, she had been awesome.

She had taught me manners and habits which I still practiced until now. And I will continue to do so because it has become part of me. I am always grateful for her care. I had planned to bring her out for a good meal when I'm done with my studies and begin my first job. I should have visited her more often. She had slight senile period but she had always remember me and always called out the right name. Thinking back right now, is able to make me tear. However, she has moved on to another world. I can no longer do what I planned to do. It was too late. I had missed my chance. To be frank, I really hated myself for this and is regretting it big time. She has always hold a dear place in my heart. I have always respected her. I always wanted to treat her well all the time. She will and always been my dearest grandma. But I can no longer repay and perform my duties as a grandson....

I should have learned to treasure her more when she was around. Now, it's too late. I really learned to love and show care to anyone I love and treasure all of them at the current moment. Do not ever leave it late. It will only create regrets.

3 days of wake has been over and all other required events has been conducted. Some scenes which happened will always stay in my mind. Incidents involving two relatives whom were really close to grandma really pains me but makes me proud to be a grandson of this wonderful lady. It really touched me.

When grandpa passed away, I was still too little. I was still only 3 or 4 years old. I didn't quite know what had happened. Now that I had grown up, I learned to acknowledge the event better.

Moving on is really hard. But it is a natural process. I hoped I can learned to come to terms with it. I'm sure grandma would not want us to grieve for too long either. Be strong.

Thank You. Thank You, Grandma. I will always remember you. You will stay in my heart. In loving memory.

Friday 4th November

I've no idea what name to give for this post so I guess I shall just name it as today's date. Well, I've wanted to post something for quite some time. Ever since I finished the 3 exams last week, I've been thinking of penning my feelings down. But because of the emotions involved, I refused to face it and it took me until now to be brave enough to face it. Haiz.

Now, how should I start? Let's see. I've been quite pleased to finish this semester as this only means that next semester will start soon and very soon I'll end my study journey in Curtin Singapore. A path which I do not enjoy a lot but pleased because it provides a good learning curve.

Anyways, for the past 2 weeks, it has been study week followed by 2 weeks of exams. Did I concentrate well and study hard? NO! Guilty? Yes. Did I attempt to make amends to make up for my lack of concentration? No. What's my distraction? You. Frankly. What's with me? Come on! I should do better by focusing on what's more important than let myself get distracted away. More so, over things that don't have any future. Now, I'm left to care whether I have done enough to clear one of my module. And I've got no one to blame but myself. J, what's the point? That shows you are immature and needs to be more mature.

And also, why do you think about it so much after looking at the photo. It's a photo that means nothing. Even if there are other guys in her life, so? You're just someone disposable, don't think too highly of yourself. Please learn. Be it her or any girl that will be my girlfriend or loved ones, I don't have the right to run her life. So, I should learn to not be bothered about these things so much.

But, on a side note, at least now, I do not think about her so much, which is good. Let's hope it stays this way. I really don't think anything good will happen. We will just be friends. But nevertheless, I will continue to care for you and if my disposable presence is needed, I will be more than glad.

enough of feeling happy.

Yep. Enough of feeling happy. The chat with her could have gone on and on. More topics can just keep coming up and it will not stop (or so, I feel). But because its nearing exams and I can't separate my heart matters with my brain. Already, without the heart matters, I'm not able to study very well and get all the things I want to study into my brain. With it, it will only get worse. And true enough, I can't really focus. No doubt, I can't focus as expected. So, I had to stop the chat from going. I stopped it quite abruptly. Sadly, yes. In fact, I'm even leaving the chat dangling.

I'm supposed to reply but because I do not want to leave the chat to have any chance of continuing at the moment, I had to refrain from replying her. Whether she is awaiting the reply (which I don't think she is) or not, I stopped the chat when it was going well. I'm happy enough to be able to chat with her, albeit through 3 or 4 messages a day, but still I'm really happy to be always awaiting her reply. Whether she feels the same way (which I highly doubt so), I do not want to think about it. Sometimes, I do find myself weird. I am supposed to be feeling happy, why do I have to 转牛角尖? Why not just leave the happy moments lingering and stop thinking about anything negative from there! That way, I will be happy and not feel miserable isn't it?

Anyway, the chat shall stop until I get over the 1st week of my exams. 3 papers to clear. Confident? No. Well prepared? Not at all. So do I have the luxury to let my mind be anything but fully concentrated? Well, I can't.

Whether the chat can continue when my exams are over, I don't know. But I do hope we can continue to chat like we do. No doubt, it's just simple, casual chat. But, I really feel happy. Serious. Do you like chatting with me? I hope so. But I'm not going to read too much into whether you like chatting with me or not. What I want to do is to make you smile or make you cheerful or happy. I like to see you smile and I'm going to try to make it possible. For now, I can't do that and I better be self-disciplined and focus on my priority. It's just one week. Don't make it seems like its forever. It's going to pass by so quickly after all.

I've been waking up in the middle of my sleep nowadays. And usually, I will wake up around 6 or 7 plus. I'm not exactly a light sleeper. Usually, I'll sleep like a log. Hard to be awaken. But I don't know when I started this habit of waking up around 6 or 7 plus. The reason is simple. That's because I'm anticipating your replies since usually you reply at this timing. I assume that's the time you wake up and prepare for class, or whatsoever. But for this coming one week, I don't know if I will kick this habit away. But what I do know is, when we continue to chat again, I will return to waking up around 6 or 7 plus just to check my phone. I've fallen in very deep. Can you sense it? Do I want you to sense it? Frankly, I don't know.

still feeling happy =)

This is going to be a quick post. In need of rest. Had a busy day today. Woke up slightly earlier to buy a pack of paper to print the Marketing Research major assignment 'coz I ran out of paper while printing the assignment last night. =( Went to school to submit the assignment. Finally all assignments are gone. What a busy semester, seriously! Somehow, I feel next semester could be just the same. It might be slightly better since I've been through a hectic one like the one that is about to end. After I'm done with submitting the assignment, I went off to Tampines for gym. Been 2 weeks since I gym. This is one activity I enjoy doing and I want to continue to do. And tonight, I started a bit of revision by writing notes. Need to get into the groove asap as I don't really have much time to revise. Being stupid definitely doesn't help.

And here I am to post some thoughts. To continue the events that happened after my last post, we continue to message each other probably until today. Even though the contents were simple, casual talk, but just to be able to chat with her is enough to make me feel happy. In fact, I'm still in a pretty good mood till now! She don't reply fast but because of that, I will always be eagerly awaiting her reply. Sounds crazy huh? Well, maybe after a while, I might not be have such a strong feeling. Because if I continue to have such a strong feeling, there can only be one outcome: I will fall even deeper. Whatever the case, shall see how it goes. No point anticipating the situation before it even happens. Or worst still, whether that might happen. But for now, being happy and joyful isn't bad. So let me stay in this happy mood for a little longer.

Ciao.

You.

You. A simple action by you can actually make me SO SO SO happy for a whole day. Erm. I think I might even be smiling in my sleep tonight. Haha! I'm THAT happy!

All it takes was just for you to take the initiative and send me a message. To make me this happy. Never mind the content of the message. Like people always says, it's the thought that counts. :p Yep, to me, that was all that it matters. It really brighten up my day and probably make me stay happy while I approach this busy week ahead. To think I was just talking to Wan Ting about I'm the only interested party in this friendship as I'm the one that usually starts the ball rolling. Well, happiness aside, tomorrow is a new start. A new day.

On a side note, I saw a really disgusting scene this morning. Somehow regret my action. Should have done much more. What happened was I heard a cat growling so pitifully. So I stopped and take a look at the cat to see if it growled because it was hungry (I had no food to offer it though). Just curious. It was a nice little black with white strips stray cat. To my astonishment, part of its face was falling out. Ewwwwww.....my gosh!! Whoever did it to this poor little creature is so cruel. But I didn't do my part. It wasn't until I reached Kinokuniya then I realised I could have done more by calling SPCA or any organisations or agencies that could have helped. I hoped the cat met some kind person who helped it. 'coz by the look of it, the cat is in real pain and I suspect if it's not being treated, it might be gone..BUT let's hope the little creature will be fine. It will be.

Anyway, it's time for bed and be ready for the last class for this semester. The next one will come pretty soon, get excited about it, J. Night, blog.

Alone.

This is going to be a short post. Just felt like voicing it out. I think I should leave you alone. I think I can sense you getting annoyed by me? Maybe I read too much but I would rather I think too much now, then spoil the friendship.

Troubled but for what?

I seriously need to stop myself from thinking about love matters, or rather her. I think i'm getting too troubled for nothing. My brain has been thinking about too many unnecessary stuffs. What for? I merely learned that she went out with the ex-colleagues, and yes, 1 of them is the person that like her. And so? Just a meet-up anyway. I sulk and think about it also don't know for what. Yes, I'm jealous but what can I do. I need to stop being too bothered over these things. I'm not in a position to bother and I'm just a nobody.

But, no matter how I keep telling myself not to think. My brain will always think about it. Please lah, J. Suppress that emotion. You have to. You just have to. Enough said.

On a side note, Mum's not in a good mood today because of something. I hope everything will be fine. Yes, it will.

Fed up and tired..

I don't know why but maybe because I'm a little sick, I'm feeling really tired after work today. I think both physically and mentally tired. Physically because I'm partially sick and having lack of sleep. Mentally tired because I'm feeling the 'hurt' from the latest Arsenal loss and school work. Not gonna talk too much about Arsenal. Too pain to talk about it right now. Let's hope Arsenal can bounce back and play for their dignity.

So let's talk more about school work. I've been working hard and making myself complete my tasks on weekdays so I can have lesser stress and pressure to do the school work over the weekends. I don't like it when this plan is being upset. Fed up. But hey, time to grow up, J. Life is not a bed of roses. Things does not goes always according to plan. So take it on the chin and move on.

I am getting more frequent in coming to this page and pour out my feelings and thoughts. Sorry blog, before I get a girlfriend (if I ever get one), you are my outlet for my feelings. Hehe..

I'm getting tired from doing the assignments. I'm procrastinating more in this semester. J, this is a crucial semester. Don't let your head drop. Stick at it. You can only be hardworking and get yourself past the finishing line. You can do it! Come on!

I need to keep myself focused and get past these 7 or 8 months. I'm inching closer to the end of the course. Be disciplined. After this chapter, you will be going back to your favourite field, food science. The dangling carrot should be able to keep me focused and get past the finishing line. Soon. It's coming very soon. 我行的! 加油!

Right, I shall have 1 game of FM and rest earlier tonight. I need more sleep. Nite, blog.

end of assignment break!

Yay! It's the end of assignment break. So there will be no more assignments to do? Nah..fat hope! So far, I've been on track. Completed the Managing Change assignment and completed my part on International Marketing group assignment. However, I need to start on my Strategic Management group assignment soon. And I need to start on Marketing Research report as well. In the upcoming one month, it will be just assignments after assignments for me to do. Although, I have started early and completed some of the assignments, I will only heaved a sigh of relief after I submitted all my assignments and this semester draws to a close. I need to be self-disciplined while reducing the time I spend procrastinating. This will result in less self-induced stress on myself.

Come on, J.

My mind...it's running wild again. I've been thinking about her. Why, J. Why can't you just stop your mind from thinking about impossible things? Maybe taking some time away from texting her helps. After all, she won't be taking the initiative to text me right. Why should her, anyway! After all, it has been me, trying to be thick-skinned and getting close to her. Who knows she is just being nice and entertaining me. Haha! But anyway, as time goes by, I should be thinking less about her and she will fade away from my heart. Like real, J. As if you can do that! Don't fool yourself. If only you can handle matter-of-the-heart things better. You know you can't. But..but, i really should kick those wishful thinking on my part out of my heart and head. I really should.

Moving on, the change in Arsenal really made me a very proud fan of this football club. This team is still not playing it's usual style of football but that doesn't stop them from putting in a fight in the past 2 games. Wow! How long has it been since Arsenal have a team that doesn't just do the nice and beautiful stuffs but also put in a gritty performance? This current team has been trying to show that they have guts! They make up for their slightly lower quality of technique with their grit and guts. They don't give up without a fight. I love this side of Arsenal. We are not pussy ok! This team is far better than that and we are still improving. Let's keep making improvements in every game. Tomorrow's game against Blackburn is no exception. So, Come On You Gunners! Let's show what we are made of! Fans can see the team's improvements and I'm sure we will stick together and support the team like we always have been. Never have I been so patriotic about Arsenal but maybe it's because of the mini-crisis at the start of the season that brings this side of me out.

It's late again. It seems like I always blog around this time. Sometimes, blog is just a good outlet for me. I can't possibly be talking about what I post here with my parents. And I don't want to keep pestering my friends and let them feel that I'm so annoying. So here I am, blog. I will speak all these to you. You can't run away! Too bad! Boo...

assignment break!

Assignment break is supposed to be a breather since there is no school. But, due to the large number of assignments for this semester, it has not been a breather. Well, I'm not slacking much. Everyday, i'm still working hard on the assignments, but my progress is slow. This is not good. But, I will try to change. After all, it's just one month of tough work and the difficult days will be over. I am really feeling lazy for this semester. Apparently, the 1 month holiday after last semester is not benefiting me. It should be a period for me to recharge but I think I recharge too much? This ain't good. I need to put in more effort to get myself past the finishing line for this semester. I'm not thinking about getting good grades for this semester. Clearing all modules are the first thing on my mind. Once, that has become a near-certainty, then i will think about putting in more effort to score well.

I really need to work harder. The 1 month break cannot be used as an excuse whatsoever. It's all down to myself after all. This shows a lack of self-discipline on my part. Hmm, probably this period where its time to rush assignments, will be the time to gain back some bit of self-discipline. I can't afford to have little self-discipline, especially for this semester. But, I'm tired. Maybe she is right about me needing a break when the course is over. Let's not think too far. Let's get October/November out of the way first before looking too far ahead.

On a light side, I met up with her yesterday! I was really happy to be meet her again. Just like the smile on her face. We are almost sms-ing everyday. Although its just 1 or 2 messages per day, waiting for the message notification brightens up my day. However, I've ended up expecting for the message. Haiz. I might just be a normal friend to you. Why do I keep hoping and expecting too much!! Weakling...

I know messaging you frequently will not do me good. It will only makes me fall deeper. But I just feel happy to be chatting with you. 可是, 我凭什么去喜欢你...

I just love to contradict myself. Seriously.....

Really late now, good night blog!

Wednesday 7/9/11

Once again, I'm here to find an outlet to let out. I really do need to stop thinking about... Nothing good will result. So I shouldn't even be thinking about it too much. Friends. Friends. Friends. Yes, friends. Don't expect. Don't think too much.

But then again, I can't help but to think. Like today, I can smile from the bottom of my heart when i see the messages. Urm! Ridiculous leh! Not doing me any good. I REALLY need to pull myself out of this. Let's do it a step at a time. Slowly...slowly. But eventually, I must pull out. It's a must. Clinging onto something that won't have an outcome is of no use. I know it's easier to say how I want to pull myself out over here. In practice, can I do it? I guess I know the answer myself. Haha.. I should resign to my own stupidity. All these years, I have not matured. Not a single bit.

Oh well, let me really try. I will practice what I preached. Maybe I will end up taking a longer time. Maybe.... I can't. :p Cui....

不要再想了， 钧。 不可能的。。

It doesn't pays to be a nice person

I decided to blog on my way home after work. On bus, the mind was wandering. So why not allow the mind to express itself? =)

Well, I heard about a colleague contemplating to quit. She's nice and is really pleasant to work with. So to hear that she wants to quit, is quite surprising. But I heard that it was not an idea that was developed overnight. She had been toying with this thought for quite a long while. And probably something happened and it was really the last straw. But I must say that her superior in her department isn't really pleasant to work with. She can be really intimidating and too direct for some, including myself. Probably something happened between them but I didn't probe much.

What I don't understand is, how can a mild-mannered, nice person can be pushed to their limits in work? Office politics! It's really scary and disappointing. By being nice, you are trying to make it an environment for people around you. But by being nice, you are opening yourself to get hurt and get bullied. So much for being nice. Not worth...Don't be nice, let's be evil! The evil always triumph and the nice ones are the ones who look silly.

But still, the full-timers who know that the colleague wants to quit, are trying to make her change her mind. After all, who doesn't want to work with a nice person? But if quitting, can make her happier than in the current situation, why not?

Just some thoughts..

It's already 12.21am now. I promised myself to sleep early tonight. Seriously am tired from all the late nights that I'm having. Been sleeping at about 3am for the past week. Not at all good for my body and the body has been giving me hints that I need to rest more. And so after voicing out my thoughts and views, i'll get to bed and have some rest before i continue working hard tomorrow.

Actually, the assignments for this semester is still manageable. But because of my pace at doing assignments, I'm spending more time on each assignment than others. Well, when you're stupid, that's what gonna happen. =)

Enough of talks about school work. Mind's always thinking about them. Need to constantly do them. I think I don't need to fill my personal space over here with them. Anyway, this place need some revamp seriously. Well, I remember why I chose black layout as my background. Was feeling lonely and feeling down, and hence the colour, black. But the new layout will be of a more vibrant colour. The tougher times should be over when Curtin is over. Life will be more colourful, right? Yes, JJ? Let's make it true. =)

Now let's talk about something happy! Been messaging her almost everyday. Every time I replied, I always longed to hear from her. If she takes it long to reply, my mind will run wild. All the time. I'm so useless seriously!! I mean, I should take it that she is just being nice and polite to be replying the messages. Longing and thinking too much is just being wishful on my part. Period. Yes, yes! I should have this mentality. That should be the case anyway. That's right! I must be able to pull myself out and not live in my dream. I'm a nobody anyway. =) But easier said than done. If only I can control my heart so well...

Let's share my joy about THE TEAM - Arsenal Football Club. 14 long years since I started supporting this team donning the red & white. This proud club celebrates its 125th year anniversary this season. But things aren't rosy for them. Star players like Cesc (home-coming) and Nasri (to get better pay) left. Many, many others left too. The start of the season isn't kind to the team either. The team looks short of confidence with the engine (Cesc) gone and Wilshere being injured, hence unable to start. Results from 3 games is a poor 1 point, an 8-2 thrashing against old arch-rivals Man Utd and only 2 goals scored so far. This, in my opinion, was pathetic! It hurts so much to see Arsenal in this situation. Things looked so gloomy...I was one of the many who were skeptical about Senior Wenger. I started calling him senile and all..jumping into conclusion too quickly. But for the past few days, after the heavy drubbing and the transfer dateline day, things CHANGED!

FIVE players were signed! Yes, that's right. FIVE. Awesome isn't it! And they are not youngsters. They are experienced players, some of them captains of their former clubs or national sides. Let's see who are the 5 players:

Andre Santos-28 years old Brazilian left-back: Judging from Youtube videos of him, this is one frightening attacking left-back. He attacks more than he defends. Not such a good addition considering that Arsenal are weak in defence. But hey, he's a 1st choice Brazilian national team left back. His defence can't be that bad right? But still, an experienced player at left-back where Clichy has left, is only positive.

Park Chu-Young-26 years old South Korean striker: The former Monaco captain was bought for a damn cheap price of 3 million pounds! Considering he captains Monaco and South Korea, at 3 million, he's a BIG bargain. I doubt he will slot in straight into the first 11 if the team continues to play 4-2-3-1. But if Wenger changes the formation back to his preferred 4-4-2, then Park alongside RVP looks great.

Yossi Benayoun-31 years old Israeli attacking midfielder: This former Liverpool, Chelsea player joins on loan for a season. Not a big fan of him but he brings with him EPL experience. That is only good for the team, when Ryo Miyaichi and Alex Oxlaid-Chamberlain has little experience. Yossi can become a good mentor for the 2 exciting youngsters. Decent addition.

Here comes the 2 bigger buys!

Per Mertesacker-26 years old German centre-back: This guy stands at 1.98m. I think he is taller than Szczesny. Wow! We were expecting Cahill, Samba or Jagielka. But Mertesacker isn't a bad choice! He only cost 10 million pounds as compared to the 17 million tag placed on Gaz Cahill. He was Werder Bremen's captain and has won 75 caps for Germany. Just the experience and leadership qualities Gunners need. Hopefully, Djourou and Koscielny keeps improving and tries to muscle Mertesacker off the confirmed right sided centre-back position. Great buy!

Mikel Arteta-29 years old Spanish centre midfielder: I must say, personally, I was hoping Wenger goes out and pay above 20 million for other midfielders. But looking at the delight from Arseblog and Jack Wilshere on twitter and from many others, perhaps having Arteta in the squad is a great addition. He has loads of EPL games under his belt. Good creativity, good vision, score goals and take dead-balls well. Sounds good eh? But he used to be injury prone. However, I heard that he is now fully fit and I hope that remains the case and he can lead the midfield line for us. =)

So now the new look Arsenal first 11 should be:

Szczesny

Sagna-Mertesacker-Vermaelen-Andre Santos

Song-Wilshere

Walcott-Arteta-Gervinho

Van Persie

This was definitely not a team that I would have imagined before the Man Utd loss. But after acquiring all these players, this doesn't look at all a weak squad! It's a good balance of youth and experience. Looks to have leadership qualities too. If the team believes in themselves, and stays fit. I don't see why the team can't win Carling Cup, or sustain a challenge in EPL. I'm not being optimistic but I seriously feel this squad does looks good.

I'm very happy these past few days because of Arsenal and her. But things will return back to normal soon.

On a side note, which is better? I continue to type my thoughts here? Or I have a new blog and start afresh? Or I get back to the traditional way of having diary? Don't know. Shall take some time to think about it.

I really do like this space I have over here. I can go on and on and the more I share, I actually feel my heart becomes 'lighter'. Like getting some rants. Makes me feel so much better. The blog feels like a close friend. Awesome! =)

Time check: 1.06am. Been blogging for about 40 mins. It's time to sleeppp.

Bye blog. Nite. Talk to ya again. =)

Just a quick update.

The time now is 2.56 a.m. About time i get to bed soon. Been doing assignments/ tutorials after one another. It's really quite monumental. Too routine. But its good in a way. Makes me plan my time better.

Nothing much been happening in my life at the moment. Now is not the right hour to voice out either. I happen to think about my blog which i deserted for the past 1 month and decided to have a look at it. =)

By the way, I've been using this layout for some time, probably a year or so? It's time for a change! I will change the design soon. And probably remove some unwanted stuffs on the blog, like the un-used twitter notification link.

That's all for now.

Just a quick update.

The time now is 2.56 a.m. About time i get to bed soon. Been doing assignments/ tutorials after one another. It's really quite monumental. Too routine. But its good in a way. Makes me plan my time better.

Nothing much been happening in my life at the moment. Now is not the right hour to voice out either. I happen to think about my blog which i deserted for the past 1 month and decided to have a look at it. =)

By the way, I've been using this layout for some time, probably a year or so? It's time for a change! I will change the design soon. And probably remove some unwanted stuffs on the blog, like the un-used twitter notification link.

That's all for now.

Back to school...soon.

The 1 month holiday is about to end. School's going to restart and it will be 1 more year of business education for me. Well, the year that has just past was challenging. Getting used to business modules isn't a smooth ride. But when has life been one? Nevertheless, i tried to take it in my stride. And attempt to approach the modules with determination. To make it worthwhile for all my mum's $$ in this course and to prove i'm of some use. At least not 100% useless bah! Hah.

Last semester was the semester which i feel i truly put in enough effort to feel satisfied apart from the secondary school 'O' Level days. 算是对得起自己吧! Results does equates to the amount of effort you put in. It really does. And so, out of the 4 modules, i had Distinction for 2 modules. Lovely! A High Distinction for Retail Marketing & Distribution, awesome!!! Wasn't expecting any High Distinction for my modules and it came as a pleasant surprise. I'm overjoyed and it spurred me to put in more effort in the upcoming semester and the 2 other semesters as well. But here's the bad news! I only got a Pass for Entrepreneurship. By far, my worse result in Curtin. I know i won't do well for that module. But certainly a Pass was unthinkable but I still did it. Bleh. It made me utterly disappointed and the good results for the other 3 modules won't make up for it at all.

I can only keep ploughing and keep working hard. When you aren't clever, you can only make up with absolute hard work. There's no other way to work this out. No way! 3 more semesters till the end of my Bachelor of Commerce (majoring in Management & Marketing). Can't wait to complete it. And get back to where i feel, i belong to. For my character, i will only struggle in a business environment. I will change to become better, learn to adapt better. But give me time. I will try. Hard.

Now, let's talk about some happy stuff. =) Thursday. Just another day of the week. But with a good companion and good activities, it will not be ordinary but memorable. A great dinner at Ma Maison @ The Central. A walk after dinner along Clarke Quay. Followed by a walk to Shaw Tower for ice-cream. Simple activities, it is. But worth remembering, nevertheless. I'm happy. But most importantly, it is to hear that she had a nice time. It's early days and more effort is needed to foster the relationship/friendship. But I just want to write over here that you are a good company and i know you slightly more le.

I keep saying i have changed. But, come to think about it, who is the real Jin Jun in the first place? What is my identity? I don't know how to answer this question. I'm not sure about my identity. But reading the letters from You will get me to do some soul searching. Think through about my life directions. I hope it's not too late! And then i can form bits of myself into a proper jigsaw puzzle. Then i can have an idea who am I!

if only every day is holi-day!

Dunno how i shall start this post. Let's start it this way. It's 3 weeks into holidays. 2 more weeks and it's back to school! Excited? Not a single bit! I can't wish to complete the course when next may comes! But for now, i'll try to put in my best in the remaining 11 modules and hopefully get good grades.

Holidays has been nice. Well, not splendid. But it's not too bad. Enjoyed myself during outings with friends. Had a good rest. Sleeping in for around 8 hours is the best thing you can wish for. It just makes you feels good.

I've been catching lots of movies. Spent quite a bit of $$ but i've no idea what i spent on. I know i spent a lot on food but my wallet looks poorer than what it should be. Shucks!

I've been exercising a lot also. That's because i really need to cut down on my weight after all the extra burden i gained from snacking during exam period and from all the high-calorie food i ate. So, after being sinful, it's time to make up for it.

And oh, while at AMK Hub yesterday, i saw catherine, whom i know from the NTUC days. I was contemplating whether to go up to her and say hi. Seriously, don't know what i'm thinking loh, i was actually wondering if she still remember me and that's why i hold back. Why can't i just stop thinking so much and just do whatever it comes to mind. I will kill less brain cells and it should be better, i guess.

The assignments results for last semester were released 1 week plus back. I'm quite happy with most but there's one assignment which really made me very happy. I think i was writing really bad for the Retail Marketing & Distribution assignment and it was off-track, and it's until i made the changes and with a huge slice of luck, i managed to get 24 marks out of 30. A lucky high-distinction paper, lucky me!

Few days back, I received an email from my TP lecturer, Mr. Tan Kian Beng, regarding QA/QC vacancies in Nestle. I was so happy to see the email and this is a position i've always wanted. But this opportunity came knocking at the wrong time. Still got 1 more year to go in Curtin, so i will need to forego any good opportunities that comes knocking my door between now and next May.

I hope i get to encounter when i'm graduating. Food science jobs are hard to come by. And to have available QA/QC jobs is not easy too. Let's see if i have the fate to meet any nice jobs when i'm graduating. For now, i shall forget about the Nestle position. But once again, what a waste! It's just not something that always comes by. Not that i will get in but...you know, it's just such a good opportunity.

2 more weeks of holidays and a new semester will begin. And it is just the start of a tough 3 semesters. Let's hope time passes by quick and before i realise, it will be May 2012 already....

holiday starts!!

Finally! The day that i've looked forward to has come. Not that i have a lot of plans of things i intend to do during this period. But rather, it's a time when i can get to allow my mind to relax. Without the need to worry about my studies. The last paper for this semester, Retail Marketing & Distribution, felt just so hard to clear. Part of the mind and heart is thinking about holidays, about taking a break and this makes studying for this paper tougher than its already is.

But somehow, the paper turns out manageable. I don't think i'll score well. But at least, it's possible to get some kind of decent results which is pleasing, given that i felt i didn't put in enough effort for it. Tried and tried to revise for 3 times but when the information can't get into your mind. It just can't.

The ending of this paper marks the start of many other good things to happen on Friday. As for the paper, my seat number 167, had number 16 in it. My favourite number! Probably my favourite number decides to turns lucky to lend me a helping hand. Thanks!

So, after the paper, i went to gym. And on my way to take the train to tampines, i happen to see suan cher across the road! It's been a long while since my secondary school class had a class gathering. 3 years? 4 years? It'd been a long time since i see her. Happy to see a long-time-no-see friend. IT Fair, Hangover 2 and dinner were the other activities on the itinerary for Friday. Dinner at a japanese restaurant at suntec was good. The chat with kit was good. And yah, i saw bokai and ming xuan at suntec too. See! Isn't this a lucky day? 2 groups of friends that i didn't see for a long, long time. And incredibly, i get to see them on the SAME day. Bought a new mouse to replace my faulty mouse at IT Fair and Hangover 2 was a movie of crude jokes but nonetheless very funny!

The good things are happening. This spells a good start to this holidays. And true enough, it really is a good start. And so, on saturday, where i was least expecting to hear from her. She emailed me, telling me about how's she doing. Wasn't expecting to hear from her honestly, but nevertheless, i'm really happy to receive the email.

The heart starts to think again. Haiz.

1 day into 24th..

Yeap. Birthday was yesterday. It was spent very peacefully. Not the way i would have liked to spend my birthday. I mean, a test today simply means i really can't afford to relax on my birthday isn't it. And not to mention, i tried to study since the study week last week but nothing much is going into my useless brain. This needs to be improved in the upcoming week. Just two more exams only!! Shouldn't be having this kind of attitude.

Anyway, i'm very 感动 to receive all the birthday wishes on fb and through messages. Be it close friends, good friends, friends or acquaintance, I deeply appreciate them. I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

And today, my CBD colleagues in kino got me a birthday cake. A dark chocolate, rum & raisin flavoured one. Love it. Don't dare to wish for anybody to have a birthday celebrations for me. When friends remember my birthday, i'm more than happy le. So, last year's celebration while I was at Brisbane and this year when i'm working in kino, i'm very happy le. Being easy to be satisfied allows me to feel happy, so isn't that good!

Every year, i will do an annual review of what i've done over the past year. Any improvement through the years. It works like a scorecard. Once again, i scored a big fat zero on my relationship report card. Well, i have only myself to blame and no one else. As simple as that. Friendship report card is next. Have i been a good friend? Worthy friend? I can do better. A mere pass would be reasonable. Next, the son scorecard. Have i been a good son. Filial? Caring for parents? Caring for grandma? Not good enough either. Not been visiting grandma often. Even though she's having senile dementia and don't really remember me. I will always have memories of her taking care of me when i was a child. =) Now, studies report card. Where's my fulfilling of my target of A for all my modules? Nowhere near. Need to work harder. When you don't have the brains, you can only compensate with your hard work. There's no other way.

Perhaps, it's time for me to read YOUR letters. These letters are truly an inspiration to me. And, i do think i have changed. For the better or for the worse. I don't know. Feeling lost really. Need the letters to serve as guidance. After the exams are over, i will search for my true self. It's also time for me to tick myself off. Keep saying after exams, after exams, i better keep my promise and be a man of words.

Really hope no one comes here to read my rants. Who cares about these rants anyway. Who did i think i am? Haha...head growing big. :p

Exams on this coming thursday and friday. Well-prepared? Nowhere near. Still a way to go. But i'm not going to give up and not revise hard. If i stick to my plan, i will be fine. After the exams are over, i shall do more activities youngsters (or rather i should say, people of my age) should do. There will be more happy posts and maybe i should post more rather than once a semester.

Sometimes i really don't know how to say what i say over here to friends. What if they don't want to listen? This place is too important. See. After typing the feelings out, the heart feels light. I feel like i can breathe. 压抑情绪是不好的. Haha!

Oh..oh!! The fweeling to try taekwondo is back!! That is after i found a taekwondo academy that takes adult students. Happy sia!! I hope the fees aren't expensive. Really, really wanna try. If it's too expensive, then i change to join SAFRA running club bah. Ok! This is the plan. I shall stick to it. No more 三分钟热度. :p

Lastly, i must say that it has been a while since i like someone. Very long le. Got 2 or 3 years le. This girl, i'm talking about is really a good girl. Whether it's possible to work out or not. I do hope that we can be friends. Preferably, very good friends! Am i too greedy??

i'm back!!

3 months? 4 months? About there..it's been this long since I wrote something here. I haven't deserted this place, didn't want to do that anyway. This has always been a place for me to 'speak'. Whatever I don't know how to express, whatever I can't bring myself to express, will be done here. To record down what I'd done or not done in my life.

These past 3 odd months has been a test. A stern test. Coping studying and working part-time ain't easy. Not that the 1st semester in curtin and starting work at kinokuniya didn't give me a good enough hint to tell myself that I'm not good enough to handle both things at the same time. Did thought of quitting. Quitting the part-time job that is. Tried. Persuaded. Stayed. Period. And so I continue in that part-time job in kinokuniya, and because I felt inferior or I don't know what kind of feeling that is, I kept to myself and have few friends. Things start to get better recently and hopefully it stays that way. Sometimes, its just that I find myself being contradicting. And at times I feel that I should smash myself against the wall. Hmm...yeah.

A colleague from the Japanese Books department just quitted. Kinda came at a surprise. She started worked not long ago and I remembered I asked her how long she thinks she will work in Kinokuniya (kinda weird question to ask when I first know her) and her reply was "1 or 2 years" and now she has lefted for a new venture. Nevertheless, hope her new job is more rewarding than the one she hold in Kinokuniya.

Now to some happy stuffs. Few weeks back, this female customer went up to me and approach me and asked me about some books on this band named 'Tokyo Hotel'. Well, it's not the content of the conversation that made me happy. It's the person. This is one time I really find my heart pounding real fast! As in really can sense that huge difference. Let me realise that I still have feelings. I'm not turned into a machine yet! Not yet at least. Though, there's no follow-up until maybe we might see each other on the street and I FINALLY have some courage to go up to her and take some actions. But this girl is just special. She TOTALLY have the looks that fit the image I portrayed to be 'my dream girl'. And since I mentioned happy stuffs in the beginning of this paragraph, the other happy stuff would be I found a new outlet to vent my unhappiness! It's turning one hobby I enjoyed and using it to forget any unhappiness I have. And this new outlet is through eating! Or to be more precise, it's to indulge in food! I have the tendency to gobble lots of food down my stomach whenever I'm unhappy or stressed. And this has led to my weight to sky-rocket. Need to have some kind of discipline on my actions. This ain't right.

And now to some unhappy stuff. There is only one thing that can make me unhappy or stressed until I graduate and that has to be studies. This semester that has just ended has proved to be the biggest test. Maths and History are 2 subjects which let me have confidence in myself in studies 'coz I did reasonably back in my secondary school days. But as I handled accounting this semester, I started out feeling confident till the point when I collected my mid-sem test and group assignment that made my confidence level plunged to the rock-bottom. Absolutedly gutted by my results. I approached the final exam for accounting feeling stressed and with the fear of failing the module. It felt terrible. Luckily, I managed in time to get myself back on track and I believed I just managed to scrape through. A lucky escape for me.

Next trimester will start after this short 1 week break. Need to recharge my 'batteries' well and prepare for the next trimester and after that, a 1 month break awaits. Whee...!! 2 more trimesters are gone, 4 more remains. I shall approach this remaining 4 trimesters with gusto and will learn to have better time management to juggle studies and work. GilbertoSilver came up with the slogan 'Cesc, we can!' and I shall come up with one for myself 'Jun, you can!'.

人类因梦想而伟大.....